UCSD Dares to Bring a Medical Ethicist to Campus: Are You Experienced?

• Associate or Full Professor • Health Care Ethics 😂
• Job #JPF01137
• Actual Job Ad: https://apol-recruit.ucsd.edu/apply/JPF01137
• Recruitment Period Final date • May 31st, 2017 •

University of California, San Diego invites supplications from astoundingly well-funded candidates for tenured faculty positions in Health Care Ethics.

These positions are part of a bold multi-discipline, multi-year lip service initiative in esoteric ethics that spans the entire universe, because universe. In this initiative, traditional normative ethical concerns are lost in cross-disciplinary research areas such as the humanities, social sciences, physical sciences, biological sciences, geosciences, engineering, business, and medicine. After thinking about all that people just want a stiff drink, and we know who’s buying. Besides Health Care Ethics, there are at present three other areas of focus within the overall initiative: (1) Bribes in Plain Sight; (2) Malpractice Defense; and (3) Business Ethics to Avoid Like the Plague.

Each appointment will be made jointly between two divisions or schools or one generous drug company and one VC-cash-laden biotech start-up in order to facilitate creative accounting in new inter-disciplinary fields. These areas include the Divisions of Arts and Humanities and Prescription Painkillers, which are Safe by the Way, Biological Sciences Because Everything is Genetic, Physical Sciences on Opioids, Social Sciences and Benzodiazepine Studies, the School of Global Policy and Strategy for Mass Diagnosing and Prescribing, the Jacobs School of Engineering Illnesses to Fit Pricey Drugs, Scripps Institution of Oceanography and Off-Label Cymbalta® (SIO-OLC), the Skaggs School of Pharmacy and Pharmaceuticals and Flat-Out Dope-Dealing, the Rady School of Patient Management with Haldol®, and the School of Medicine You Should Prescribe to Everyone.

There should be three red checkmarks. Medicare cut their funding again…not considered safe enough… (1)

The university is particularly interested in recruiting candidates who display the highest standards of excellence in kickbacks, KOLing and professional bribe-taking activity in “health” “care.” Successful applicants will be expected to help build a genuinely interdisciplinary fortune and preeminent program to generate more cash while ignoring practical ethics, with a focus on evading all health care ethics litigation.

All candidates must have earned a Ph.D. in a relevant field or have served time in a white collar/country club prison for financial crimes that were unintentional but may have been profitable. Applicants seeking a tenured appointment are expected to have an exceptional grant-getting record, evidenced by outstanding peer-reviewed, ghost-written publications and other relevant scholarly pretenses, emphasizing interdisciplinary conspiracies and revenue generated internationally, with emphasis on emerging Asian markets where scrutiny is still relatively low, and island nations where banking is still relatively private.

The preferred candidate will have demonstrated strong drug money dependence and a commitment to support diversity in income streams, equity in many start-up biogenetics companies, and inclusion of private interests in an “academic” setting.

Required materials are: (1) a cover letter, (2) a cover story, (3) rap sheet, (4) statement of offshore accounts, (5) writing sample, (6) urine sample, (7) names and emails of 3 potential industry collaborators, (8) statement of research, including strategy for interdisciplinary research and bank balances; and (9) a separate statement describing past experience in Switzerland, Dominican Republic, and the Channel Islands and inclusion of detailed, actionable plans to repeat offend without getting caught.


UC San Diego is an Equal Opportunity/Affirmative Action Employer with a strong institutional addiction to excellence through cash income. All financially qualified applicants will receive consideration for employment without regard to gender, race, color, hue, shade, tint, immigration status, odor, Megan’s Law, sex, sexual orientation, criminal background, national origin, disability, age or protected witness status.

Job location

San Diego, CA

 (1) The source for the county data on immediate jeopardy and administrative penalties is here.


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